In Memory of Grandpa

A week ago today, my grandpa Cleo passed away. He was 91. I had the honor and privilege of giving a tribute at his funeral. Below is what I said. It's kind of long, but gives you a glimpse of the man who he was.

I’ve spent the last week thinking about Grandpa and the man he was. He was such an important part of my life that it’s hard to imagine facing the remainder of my life without him in it. While he may be physically gone from us, I realized that the things he taught me through his life will continue to live on not only in me, but the rest of his family. Since top ten lists seem to be the cool thing to do, I thought that I would give you my top ten lessons that Grandpa taught me through his life.

#1. He taught me to enjoy life and have fun. So many of my memories of him involve lots of laughter. He had a laugh that filled the house and invited you to join along with him. It didn’t take much at all to get a laugh out of him. He easily found the brighter side of life and enjoyed sharing that joy with those around him. He loved to tease his grandkids and great-grandkids. When we were little, he would dig around our ribs trying to find out where our gizzard was. It made me laugh to see him many years later doing the same thing to my own children. His half finger was a great ice-breaker and source of delight to all of his great-grandkids and he had fun seeing their puzzled little looks as they tried to figure out where his finger had gone. He had the ability to take what life had given him and enjoy it to the fullest. A few days before he died, he was being his ornery self with his physical therapist and teasing her about life in general. As I was getting ready to leave that day he said this to me, “Some people take life so seriously. You gotta be able to enjoy life while you live it and make the best of every situation.” Grandpa did just that – he enjoyed his life and wanted to see those around him enjoy it too.

#2. He taught me to enjoy the delight that comes from a family meal around the dinner table. Grandpa enjoyed good food and lots of it. Thankfully, he married the right woman for that job. In his younger years, he could out eat all of us. When he said things like, “Devin needs some more chicken.” Or “Sethy wants some more potatoes.” It was our cue to pass the food down to Grandpa so he could fill his plate again. He would continue to offer you seconds on everything on the table until you had firmly refused every last morsel. He loved to see a good eater. And though I never met Li’l Henry who lived down the road from Grandpa, I knew that if I ate everything on my plate, it would help me run down to Li’l Henry’s faster.

#3. He taught me to value family relationships. Grandpa loved his family deeply. Family relationships were the backbone of Grandpa’s life. Growing up just down the road from them was a delight I don’t take for granted. All of us were welcome there as often as we wanted. Grandpa loved spending time with us and taking us along to job sites. Riding with him in the pick-ups, dozers, or semi were always a highlight of the day. When we grandkids would all gather at their house, we loved to pick up all the rotten fallen apples with Grandpa because then he would take us down to a neighboring farm and we would have a blast throwing the apples to the pigs and cows. Grandpa laughed the whole time at our delight. We were having so much fun, that we didn’t realize that we were doing his chores for him. Once when we were little, they invited all the grandkids over for a sleepover. They put us in a tent out in the backyard and it was the funnest thing ever – it was made even more fun when Grandpa came outside in his underwear in the middle of the night to tell us to quiet down and go to sleep.

#4. He taught me to take time for the people I love. Grandpa was never too busy for us. They joined us in many adventures. I remember many day trips with all of us piled into the big van they owned – I’m sure having that many people stuffed in a van that didn’t even have seatbelts would be illegal these days - and we would do things together as a family. I don’t remember much of what we did, other than that we were together and having lots of fun. Another time, they agreed to go canoeing with Carol and her boys. Though most of us didn’t see it, we heard plenty about the adventure. It seems that Grandma and Grandpa’s canoe was deemed the least likely to tip over, so the food for the day was placed in that canoe. Only a few moments into their journey, Grandpa and Grandma flipped over into the river and all the food went floating downstream. Whenever that story was told, Grandpa and Grandma would laugh like little kids about it until those of us who hadn’t been there could see it in our mind’s eye and laugh right along with them. They came to as many of our school events as they could. They came to our birthday parties. They came to our graduations. They came to our weddings. As we grew up and scattered around the country, they came to us and visited us. I don’t know how many of us benefitted from them helping us move belongings from one state to another in Grandpa’s little red pickup. Grandpa loved his family. Over the last few months it seemed like every time I visited he commented on how blessed he was by his kids, his grandkids, and his great-grandkids. He lived to see the legacy of who he was carried forward through his offspring.

#5. He taught me to recognize where I’m weak and learn from it. When it came time to build their current home, Grandpa learned what skills he didn’t know from the knowledge of those around him and then did most of the building himself. He taught himself the earthmoving trade and built a business out of it that he could pass down to his son. One day I was out driving tractor for my dad on a jobsite and made some mistake. I don’t remember what it was now, but it was enough that I felt absolutely horrible about it because I caused more work for my dad. As Grandpa was driving me home from the job, he could tell I felt crummy about it without me saying a word. He told me, “You know, I’ve done a lot of really dumb things in my life where I’ve made mistakes and made people (even your dad) mad at me. You just gotta learn from it and keep on going. It’s not the end of the world and things will smooth out soon.”  When he faced a challenge, he learned what he could from it and then continued on.

#6. He taught me to remember to slow down and give myself rest even when I thought I didn’t need it. One day he and I had the job of unloading a truckload of firewood at the shop. I was a young and energetic teenager and had the mindset of you don’t stop until the job is done no matter how tired you might be. Grandpa wasn’t as young and energetic as I was, so part way through the job, much to my irritation, he made us stop, sit down on the sides of the pickup, and take a rest. As we sat there resting, he told me, “Even the Good Lord rested on the seventh day, so we might as well too.”

#7. He taught me to be tenacious. Some may call it being stubborn, and you would be right. Grandpa did have just a bit of a stubborn streak. But Grandpa faced challenges head on. He used that stubbornness to live a life that didn’t back down from a challenge. Grandpa and Grandma’s first house had a poor foundation when they bought it, so what did they do? They jacked it up and spent countless nights after a full day’s work digging out a new basement using only shovels and their own strength. Grandpa worked several jobs at a time to help make ends meet and never complained about the hard work and long hours. When he found something worth believing in, he held his beliefs tightly and would not back down from them no matter what.

#8. He taught me to keep a healthy perspective in life. When he lost a lot of his mobility and independence, I would come over and ask how he was doing and his response was usually something like this, “Well, I’m slowing down, but I can’t complain. I’m still alive.” Shortly after he turned 90, our fourth child, Keilah, was born. When we were over there visiting and Keilah was happily playing with them, he liked to remark that he and Keilah were like bookends. She was at the beginning of her life, and he was at the end of his, and sandwiched in between them was 90 years of living.

#9. He taught me to live out what I believe. While he didn’t always show his inner thoughts and feelings often, when he did, you realized the depth of who he was. He understood that you couldn’t change how people treated you, but you could change how you responded to them. If he was treated unfairly or poorly, he would shrug it off and continue to make sure he lived his life according to the integrity he had for himself. One of his favorite hymns was “I Have Decided to Follow Jesus” I’m pretty sure he could have written those words himself based on his values. Once he made up his mind to follow Jesus, there was no turning back. And if none should go with him, he still would follow. There was no turning back. Living his life according to the values of Jesus was more important to him than what other people thought of him.

#10. And he taught me that while good-byes are extremely hard, they also bring us hope of what’s to come. A few days before Grandpa passed away, I asked the Lord if I could be present as he passed so I could say my final good-bye. But the day he died found me sitting in my van a town away waiting for a school function to be over. I knew Grandpa’s health was quickly failing, so I planned to go and be with him once I got back home. While I was sitting in my van, I wasn’t thinking much of Grandpa, but was just reading a book to pass the time while I waited. Very suddenly and out of nowhere, my heart was overcome with a very intense grief and I burst into tears. I remember being a little perplexed as to why I was suddenly sitting in my van bawling, and the thought that came to me was “I think Grandpa just died.” I noted the time and found out that it was just around that time that Grandpa did in fact die. A bit later as I thought about it, I remembered my request to be with Grandpa when he passed away. I realized that God answered my prayer and allowed my spirit to say good-bye to Grandpa as his spirit left this world. I was grateful for that opportunity. But that wasn’t all. There is one more message for me to share with you, which I believe is from both Grandpa and God. The moment that I was overcome with grief was very intense but also brief, because a song was playing on the radio. It was the song “How He Loves”. When I felt in my spirit that Grandpa had just died, the chorus line was repeating “He loves us, oh how He loves us. Oh, how He loves us, Oh how He loves.” Through my tears, I felt God’s vast and unspeakable joy as he threw open the gates of heaven and welcomed Grandpa home, and at the same time I felt God’s tender love and compassion for those of us left behind, as we grieve our loss in the days to come.

One day, our joy will be complete as we too enter into the full love and glory of God just like Grandpa did on Monday. It may be awhile until we do. But until then, we continue to press forward, learning to employ the lessons we’ve learned from the great people like Grandpa who have gone on before us. 

Grandpa and Grandma last summer on their 70th anniversary