Embracing Me

This summer Aaron and I had the fantastic opportunity to take a sabbatical. It was such an amazing summer. We were able to travel more than we have in the past - I documented that in my previous two posts. We were able to spend more time doing the things we've wanted to do. But a lot of the time a sabbatical is about making space in your life to hear what God is wanting to say to you. I took a number of personal retreats. Through that and just making space for less stuff, I was able to remember who I am. I didn't purposely decide one day to stop acting like myself. It crept in. Slowly. Over time. It crept in everytime I said no to ideas on things I wanted to do for fun. I was too busy saying yes to everything and everyone else. I said no to myself so many times that I stopped asking. I stopped dreaming. I stopped seeking adventure. It was just easier that way. 

This summer I became aware that the person I had become was not the full picture of who I really am. So I began to look for opportunities to say YES to me. I decided that I would entertain a possibility no matter how absurd it seemed. I would not say no unless I had a legitimate reason to say no ("it's too hard" is not a legitimate reason). The first opportunity to say yes came with my desire to walk to Iowa City and get ice cream in celebration of my birthday. Why? It was not for any good cause. I was not raising awareness or funds for the plight of underprivileged people. No. I just wanted to walk 20.7 miles to get ice cream. It would be a fun adventure. I talked two dear friends, Julie and Jamie, into joining me in my crazy idea and off we went one bright and early morning. Here we are at the beginning of our journey.

Of course, we picked one of the hottest days to attempt this walk. Julie brought an umbrella to keep the sun off her while we walked the gravel roads early in the morning.

My mom's house was just about at the halfway mark. We stopped there for a snack, potty break, and water bottle refill spot. Halfway there!

Sometimes the road was boring. This was the one boring flat stretch. However, we really enjoyed the huge motorcycle club that rode by soon after. Motorcyclists are very friendly to pedestrians. It was fun to watch them all go by and be waved at by all the riders. We started getting pretty tired by this point and stopped to sit in the shade for a little while to rest our feet. It was getting close to 90 degrees by then.

Selfie along the way. Gettng closer. And very tired. We probably have about 5-6 miles to go at this point. Unfortunately, Julie had to go with only about 4 miles to go. Her husband picked her up along the way. Julie was a great motivator and we were sad to see her go. After having our legs feel so tired and worn, we discovered that it didn't feel as bad to run for awhile as it used a different set of muscles. So we alternated between running and walking.

At the ice cream shop! We made it! We were so tired that we were in the giddy hysterical phase. We spent a good amount of time in uncontrollable laughter celebrating the fact that we just walked 20.7 miles to get ice cream! It was such a fun day. Our husbands met us up there and took us to a late lunch and then brought us home. I was so glad I could share my adventure with friends. It made it all the more special. As I was posting this picture, Abby looked at it and remarked, "You look so happy in this picture." I love that. Taking time to be me does make me a much happier person.

A week or so later, I decided to enter the county fair cookie baking contest. I feel like I make pretty awesome chocolate chip cookies and thought I'd have a shot at winning. So, I decided to say yes to this opportunity that I would normally say no to. I made my cookies and ended up getting second place (winning $15!). The kids were aghast that my cookies didn't win. So now they tease me about my second-rate cookies when I make them.

At a different county fair, Abby's friend didn't want to ride the scary ride with her. Abby really wanted to ride it, but was afraid to ride it alone. I said yes to the opportunity to be brave with my girl and ride the scary ride with her. What fun! My car keys flew out of my pocket during the ride, but thankfully we found them quickly!

I enjoy accepting challenges and doing things on my own. My first and third retreats were spent camping by myself. I struggle to enjoy camping with my family, but I realize that's because I rarely can relax and just sit and do nothing. I have to keep little ones safe, occupied, fed, or what ever it is that they are needing. When I am on my own (or with people who don't need me for any reason), I find that I really like camping. It's fun and relaxing. There were plenty of great trails to walk/run at the park I stayed in. Here was my lovely set up.

Cooking for one is awfully fun when it's over a fire. I can try creative things and be just fine if it doesn't turn out the greatest. Plus the time spent waiting for the food to cook is greatly relaxing.

And really, being able to play with a fire all by yourself as evening falls can't be beat.

I've been active with Abby on my weekly dates with her. In the past I would rarely play like a kid with my children. I was too busy being a responsible grown up. One week, we went to the park and developed obstacle courses over the playground and took turns timing each other going through them to see who would win. She could beat me when things got tight, but I was able to win when there was more open space and running involved. I didn't even mind when the few other parents there sat and watched and laughed at me as I scrambled through things much too small for me. I had to teach her how to flip herself over a playground bar as she had never done it before. That's something I hadn't done in years. I've gone down more slides in the past two months with Abby and Keilah than I have in the past 20 years combined.

I said yes to going to a Halloween party this year, even though Aaron couldn't be there to keep me feeling secure, and I had a great time dressing up as an old woman. I even borrowed a dress from my grandma that she wore back in the early 70s. It was so much fun to go trick or treating with the girls before the party dressed up in my old lady costume. It brought me joy and life.

All of this to say that the more I say yes to doing the things that make me who I am, the more full of joy, life, and energy I become. It makes taking time for others a lot easier because my heart is already full and overflowing with God-given life that naturally spills out on to others. If that's all I have learned over this sabbatical, then it was worth it. It's time to embrace who we really are and live more fully.